back EPISODE #5, JULY 2000 (words@bendpress.com) LEGS... Subject: Deck the Halls with Limbs of Molly Super A.C., A good story my dad has told me many times: When my dad was growing up in rural Minnesota his family had some neighbors named Smith. Frank E. Smith was the father of the family and lost his leg in a gruesome farming accident. He already had a gravesite picked out and they decided to bury the leg there. The gravedigger made a mistake and instead of burying the leg in Frank E. Smith's grave he buried it in Frank S. Smith's grave at a completely different cemetary. Whoops, sorry Frank. You keep me floating on waves of Bend and I can't get enough of the ride. I hope "Smoke Breaks" made it to your door. Soon the banal will visit you again in the form of "The Adventures of Wayne in Ohio". Just another fool who loves wasting your time. Please waste more of mine, —Oak Kelsey MEZAVISION Date: 6/16/00 Hi Andy, I just took a peek at the bendpress site. I was on Sakebomb and linked over to your little baby. A photo by Emmet. Amazing. I've always been partial to that guy. I love kids. I have a two-year-old nephew in SF I never get to see. I hope things are going well for you. I miss it over there. Good people. Much better than here. Nobody is bad here. I just don't know them very well. I think Girl Skateboards attracts good people (Johannes, Leon, Mueller, Tony) you must feel lucky to have those guys apply for those jobs. It's so hard to find people with that kind of talent and personality. Who knows maybe you hate them and they're a nightmare to work with. But I doubt it. It was fun to tour Europe with the guys. I like how on crailtap.com it said I was Carroll's replacement Rick's whipping boy. He must have slapped the back of my neck 137 times. It's hard to get mad at Rick though. Back to the site. I like the subtle navigation. It's not an assault like other sites. It's fun to find the little hidden treasures rather than them flashing or pulsating at you. So, good work as always. See you soon. —Aaron Meza OPEN OPEN LETTERS Date: 6/21/00 Hey Mr. Jenkins. Excellent to hear from you. You did more than publish that book, didn't you [I Check the Mail Only When Certain it Has Arrived]? Didn't you write/compile it? When I started thinking about Open Letters earlier this year I went looking for your book again (which I read, and kept, and still like very much) for inspiration, which it once again provided. I'll take a look at the bendpress site. Thanks for the tip. And let me know if you have any ideas for Open Letters. Thanks. —Paul Tough EARL PARKER LIVES! Date: 6/26/00 Mr. Jenkins, Y'know, back when I was in fifth grade (I'm a high-school graduate now), I bought comic books all the time. And one time, when I was over at a friends house, he showed me this weird magazine that had come poly-bagged with an issue of X-Men or something like that. It was called Dirt and the cover story was "My Life as a Dork", and it only got stranger from there. The letters column had readers asking about having sex with Rerun from "What's Happening". And then, three years later, I get into skateboarding. And just last week, I followed the link from the Girl Skateboards page to your page, where I learned that you were partly responsible for Dirt and Grand Royal. Life is circular. Anyhoo, the page is great. I especially liked the "followers" program... very original. How do you tink Bukowski would review your stuff? —Zack Bastian Rob Abeyta, of the Girl Art Dump and Suprememundane is responsible for the "Followers". Thanks, Rob. "My Life as a Dork" is ©2000 by Tom Schmidt. —A UNTITLED Date: 6/26/00 Such odd little notes. Not that I've got any complaints. It's a nice reminder that people's internal thought computers lead them in countless directions. To steal a quote from the eternally brilliant Kids in the Hall. "Do do, do, whacha do, do, do, 'till it's done, done, done." Scott Pommier PS I like that Ron Whaley illustration in Big Brother. NEW DAD Date: 6/26/00 Importance: Normal rearranged the senses for me again thanks andy my 3-month-old son rolled over for the first time today senses rearranged; soundtrack by modest mouse. i saw this circus rather a troupe called Les Colporteurs; an offshoot of Cirqie du Soliel. i was encouraged to see this PERFORMANCE because it is based on an Italo Calvino novella and i love that guy; one of the most influential writers to ever spit words on a page that me eyes have read. oh, and the music, that's another story. but the whole thing is based on this anarchist who goes up a tree and refuses to come down. rearrange. senses. i've been taking photos of clouds for years. denver, colo. san diego, calif. washington, d.c. durham, n.c. i didn't sleep well last night the clouds. the senses. the man on the trapeze speaking hungarian - his companion whistling dixie. they're no croissants to be found. where do you find the time? between husband and parent, employee and friend? this idiot fest continues on at www.saltforslugs.com rearrange the senses for yourself thanks again andy greg e CHIP AGAIN Date: 6/27/00 Subject: Happy Chickens Laying Smiling Fresh Eggs Dear Mr. Jenkins, Hello again from Chip's Egg Farm. Thank you for your response to my letter and also for putting it in the response section. I must admit it was quite a thrill. Sorry that the picture of Clive was unable to be displayed. I think my computer may be a little "clucked" up. Ha Ha Ha. Just a little poultry humor. This is a slow time of the year for me at Chip's Egg Farm. I keep myself busy by inventing new games for the chickens and I. My newest game is "Chicken Mud Ball" and the chickens just seem to love it! I start out by making a large circular fence out of chicken wire and put about ten chickens inside the circle. Next, I make a few mud balls, get inside the circle, and put a five gallon plastic pail on my head (so I can't see). Then I try to hit the chickens with the mud balls. Since I can't see the chickens I listen for their clucking when I aim at them. Usually they start pecking at my legs and feet so I have to move quickly. This is great fun for the chickens and I! Last year, during the slow months, I did some work for a local rancher but I got into an accident involving two breeding horses. Boy, I sure don't want that to happen again, so I'll look for some other extra work. I think I may have seen you walking down the street last week. I was on the other side of the street and I started yelling, "Mr. Jenkins! Mr. Jenkins!", but you didn't react. Maybe you couldn't hear me. When I crossed the street and tried to approach you, you ran away. Perhaps you were late for something. Does this sound familiar to you? Was it you? I guess it's possible I was mistaken, but the likeness was uncanny. Oh well. Take care and keep up the good work. Have an "eggcellant" day, —Chip Johnson LEATHER JACKET MEMORIES Date: 6/28/00 For the past 6 months or so I've spent way more time than I would like working out of our Kansas City office. This makes me feel like the country mouse when I look back at the hometown of Wichita. All these buildings are blocking my view of the wonderful rolling plains. Anyway, for the first time, I did one of those streaming thought things that happens when you travel a road that has become more of a habit than the joyride it was the first few times. Naturally, with my past and my present geographic position, I quickly began to think of that native boy from this location—Dennis McCoy. <Here is where that "streaming thought" starts> After Dennis pops into my head, with Run DMC in the background, I begin to think back to that AFA Masters where I met him for the first time. I was only a pup at the time I'm sure. And as the thought continues I find myself moving away from Dennis and closer to a more material object. <Now, don't go thinking I'm even thinking about jumping from RunDMC to some Madonna reference here. Material objects or not.> This was such a simple item, but it made such an impression. And though I knew it was someone elses, I really wanted it. Sign me up for the seven deadly sins club if you want, but I think you would have to agree that Lew's leather jacket with the Cat in the Hat painted on it was one of the greatest masterpieces you guys ever created. You might even say—"it's Tricky." You think Ted Geisel ever wore adidas with no shoelaces? —Heath Balderston NAVY SEALED Date: 6/28/00 And Roo, A few years ago my friend Wayne and I took a trip to Chicago to meet with some graduate schools about potential enrollment. It turned out to be some sort of convention and was a complete waste of time. The school representatives were inacessable and we met with no one. In spite of our frustration, we managed to enjoy the adventure. We stayed with my aunt in Marengo, Il (about an hour out of Chicago) and after our frazzling non-meetings we ventured into a local Marengo bar named Jim's. At the door a thick, red-headed bouncer asked for our i.d.'s. he looked at them and said, "We don't serve anyone with an out of state i.d." "Are you fucking serious?" yelled wayne. "Yep", said the bouncer. "Now get out of here."  We were too tired to argue but not too tired to drink. Across the street was a bar called the Northside Tap and we decided to try our luck there. Inside, a few regulars dripped off their barstool's while the bartender and a bearded man yelled at each other. "I'm tired of listening to all your fucking bullshit!" yelled the bartender. "You better just shut the fuck up before I have to kick your fucking ass!" yelled the bearded man back. "Go ahead and try it! I was a fucking Navy Seal! I'll go toe-to-toe with you or anybody else! Now get the fuck out of here!" and the bearded man left. The bartender talked about the Bearded Man with the regulars and then came over to us. "Can I get you guys anything?" he asked. We were a little shaken by the scene, but ordered two tap beers with no problems. After serving us the beer he said, "You guys look like you need to get laid. You should go to Sparky's (another bar up the street). That's where all the nice pussy hangs out." I could see he really enjoyed telling us this and he worked on us until we finally moved over to play some darts. When we ordered another round, the bartender started in again, "You guys need to get laid. Go up to Sparky's and find some of that nice pussy. I gaurantee you'll find some there." He continued his sexual prodding until we were finished with our second beer. I was unsure if he was actually looking out for our genital interests or he just wanted us to leave. We certainly didn't want any trouble from an enthusiastic Navy Seal, so we told him we would check it out. "You'll find some pussy there. If not, come back here and see me." Holy shit. What did he mean by that? We were worn out so we went back to my aunt's house. The next night we decided to give Sparky's a try with images of a never ending parade of single, naked women in our heads. At the door, the bouncer asked to see our i.d.'s. he looked at them and said, "Sorry, but we don't serve anyone with out of state i.d." Your most recent treats are on the one. Those lines make me float. Keep smacking me around with your glorious shit. More lengthy crap from me later, Oak Kelsey GOOD QUESTION(S)... ANSWER(S); YES. Date: 6/29/00 (a tactile, hand-typed letter!) Andy Jenkins, I found your website, but only after coming upon a British dart player by the same name. You made a comment about 3/5s of a publication [magazine] being tossed out [before anyone reads it]—40k being read, 60k being not. Something like that. I think of painting, and the hours that may go into an imagge, and then think of the reception of the image. If it's in a show, it's up for a month. A small number of peopple come to the show. Less of those will be able to actually look at something longer than a moment, and, within that group, there is no guarantee that they will have patience at the moment their eyes fall upon the image. The printed page gets thrown away as something temporal, only pertaining to the time in which it was written. A painting is kept (sometimes) but it's access to viewers/audience is ridiculously small. I wonder at the value of an image when not seen. Does the lack of physical form with zines on the web get to you? I am amazed at your cataloguing of tidbits from the day and dreams. I am curious as to the importance for you to do so. Do you think you would do it if the zine was not present? Is it to stay in check with oneself? i.e., this is me living, and these are things that have happened... Is it to keep in the habit of writing? The equivalent of sketching. Does the printing of them somehow make them real? Many a question, —Nathan Lewis, New Haven, CT BEND IS HUGE Date: 7/1/00 Hello, We would like to present to you our company specialized in data entry of any kind, because we feel that you may require such a service. Located in Pondicherry, South India, Word Pro is managed by an Indian, specialist in computerized publishing and by a French professional of the publishing industry. Word Pro offers services of high quality at very attractive rates. We are currently working for European publishers which include: Pocket (Havas-Paris), Droz (Geneva) Presses de la Sorbonne (Paris), Les Belles Lettres(Paris), EMS (Corlet-France) Institut d'histoire de la Réformation de l'Université (Geneva), etc. We have in the recent past, completed a project of over 50 million characters in 12 different languages for "Editions Droz" (Geneva). We have also worked for scholars requiring data entry of Latin texts of the XVIIIth century. 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Date: 7/2/00 TRANSISTIONS Date: 7/3/00 Subject: aj i have comment on that intruder alert, rilly got me thinking guess what one more time to kill the pain carnival games and the king of beers on his hands and knees sailing down First Avenue in the pouring down rain chalk outlines of smiley faces down the sewage grate guess what wheelbarrow rides through pumpkin tides and carnival games on the Thames with crocodile eyes peeping out of the grass fires it's a ticker tape parade in the pouring down rain made in China marks in the sand washed away by the wind. —Mike Daily BRITISH DIRECTOR Date: 7/6/00 Andy, Had dream about a dog called Pepper and bad evil voodoo curse. Just been shooting skating on a halfpipe in the Vasquez desert, now in England with new 500mhz powerbook. I trust that you are washed and shaved. —David Slade (attachment) SECOND RATE Date: 7/6/00 Hi there, Sorry to tell you that the link you submitted... Title: Bend URL: http://www.bendpress.com ... hasn't made it in this time round. We do check all sites before inclusion at Linkdup but unfortunately we can't include them all. Please do re-submit any sites in the future if they have been reworked or added to and you think are worth a second look... All the best, —The Linkdup Crew, http://www.linkdup.com ORIGINALLY FROM FLORIDA Date: 7/6/00 Subject: Enjoy Your Thursdays Hi Andy- Here's a picture for you. I know you get a lot of email, but I thought of you when I got this back from the Fotomat today. 3 years of film in one day... I don't know why I pile it up. I think you came to mind simply because it's California—Hollywood I think. Anyhow. It's my best wishes I'm sending and hope all is very well. All my best, —D.Hardie (attachment) back