back PARROT BOY vs TEN SPEED BOY by Megan Baltimore This is probably going to sound like I live in a trailer park, but two of my neighbors almost got into a fist fight the other night. Parrot Boy is the guy that always has a parrot on his shoulder and drives a red Porsche with a whale tale. Ten Speed Boy is the guy that can’t go on any type of a bike ride without putting his black leotard shorts on. I stayed by the front window of my house to watch and listen but I also planned to call the police if they actually started fighting. I cannot stand fist fighting. They were both sort of drunk and slurring insults back and forth at each other. From what I gathered Ten Speed Boy has an extra bike that is just a “cruiser.” He leaned it up against a wall and it tipped and hit Parrot Boys Porsche. Parrot Boy was so appalled at the nerve of someone putting a “piece of crap bike” anywhere near his car, that he threw the bike in the trash. They went back and forth and I was actually losing interest until Ten Speed Boy told Parrot Boy if he ever touched any of his property again he would “kill that stupid owl you walk around with.” Parrot Boy didn’t correct him. He told him that he “better watch what he was saying” and “don’t bring my bird into this.” At this point, I just walked away from the window. If Ten Speed Boy doesn’t know the difference between an owl and a parrot, and Parrot Boy doesn’t feel compelled to correct him, they should go ahead and beat each other senseless. This story originally appeared in Wallride #4. ©2003 Megan Baltimore